Shakespeare Writes New Play

Toby or not Toby.  What is the title? 
Whether ‘tis Nobler is the mind, 
To Supper with Slugs and Marrows, 
Or, Our raging toothache. 
Oh! To Take Calms Against Your Sea (sic) Bubbles 
And By a posting send them.   

‘Tis a goodly start and yet inadequate. 
It does not have the ring of my normal mettle about it. 
What is it that it lacks?   

A plot to be sure, for ‘tis mere rambling. 
A good beginning?  Nay, an ending.   

Suppose I were to include some nymphs and orisons 
And set down a speech for heroes 
Placed on the lips of but one man? 

Why, there’s a thought. 
But should it be a man only 
Or a woman too? 
Like Roll me own and Jewels yet
Or yet my other play, Two Metal men of Gerona, 
Or my satire upon the tenor of the times,
The Shaming of the True, 
Or yet, my work of history and mystery, 
Ants, knees and clear patches   

Aye, there’s the rub.  
I have Polonius already behind his arras 
(I spell with care lest some other generation than mine own 
Should see in such a name an inferior body part, 
Such as I gave to that donkey’s head in my triumphant, 
Mid some, er, knight’s scream) 

Yet none of this pricking of my thumbs is yet 
Composing me a play. 
What say you, should I assay such a task?  
I have it.  I shall call the thing, Passport to Steyning. 
Nay, hold!  That I cannot do for ‘tis on this very night, 
And good it is too – just some tickets left – 
By that author of a thousand plays, 
Whom I call Davy Boyle. 
(The spelling is my own; the work is his!).   

But back to Omelette, for it shall be a veritable feast of Danish pastry, 
I must complete my work before this Festival shall end.   

But now I need a loo break and not yet half way through. 
I shall scrawl upon the lavatory wall my favourite line from 
Act 1 scene 2 (or shall I make it one?) 
And bid you all adieu. 
Like good Francisco at his post, 
I shall stand against the wall and there exclaim, 
“For this relief, much thanks”.   


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